The person who told me this was...
Grand Nikko Tokyo Daiba
Supervisor, Banquet Service Section, Food & Beverage Department
Toshiya Murai
The Grand Nikko Tokyo Daiba is a city resort hotel located in Odaiba, Tokyo, with easy access from Haneda Airport and the city center. The Table Manners Plan, where you can learn table manners while enjoying an authentic Western cuisine course, is recommended for school events and new employee training.
Table manners that embody consideration
Table manners may seem complicated at first glance, but much of it comes down to consideration for others.
"For example, the reason we don't point the blade of the knife towards the other person is to avoid making them feel uneasy. Also, if a staff member tries to take away your plate during a meal, placing your cutlery in a "V" shape shows that you are still enjoying your meal," says Murai.
As you can see, table manners are about caring for others. They are not just formal rules, but are something you will naturally pick up if you think of them as an expression of consideration. As Murai says, "Learning table manners will make your meals more enjoyable and fulfilling," in the next chapter we will introduce basic table manners so that you can use them as a tool for smooth communication.
French Table Manners: Cutlery
First, let's look at how to use cutlery. We'll explain how to use cutlery by dividing it into categories of "knives and forks," "napkins," and "glasses," with accompanying pictures.
How to use a knife and fork
◾️Order of use
Cutlery is provided in sizes and shapes to suit the dishes, so you use them in the order the dishes are served.
◾️The correct way to hold it
The trick is to place your index finger on the back of the knife and fork and hold it firmly. Relax your shoulders, keep your arms close to your sides, and be careful not to spread your elbows out.
◾️How to eat with a knife and fork
Use the fork in your left hand to lightly hold the food down, then cut it into bite-sized pieces (about 3cm) with the knife. Then bring the fork to your mouth and eat. When doing this, avoid leaning your body forward or bringing the food close to your mouth. The key is to imagine cutting with the knife in a "V" shape, pushing it forward rather than cutting straight through the food. If the food is difficult to remove, you can hold the fork in your right hand and support the food with the knife in your right hand, scooping it up with the fork and eating it. For food that tends to fall off, such as leaves, it is smart to scoop it up like a spoon and eat it.
◾️How to place it during meals
When you take a break from your meal, place your cutlery in a V-shape on your plate. Do not turn your fork upside down, and make sure the knife blade is pointing inwards.
Bad patterns
It is not OK to place the knife with the blade facing outward and the fork upside down. In this case, you should also avoid leaning the knife and fork against the edge of the plate. If you do so, the balance will be poor and they will be more likely to shift and make noise, so the correct etiquette is to finish eating on the plate.
◾️Signs that you're done eating
Place your knife and fork together on your plate, ideally so that the hands of the clock point to 4:20.
How to use a napkin
◾️At the start of the meal
Take the napkin from the plate, gently unfold it, and fold it in half. Place the folded napkin on your thigh. It doesn't matter which way you put it, but it is recommended that you place it so that the fold is facing the other person, as this will make it easier to use. If you are with a host or a superior, make sure that they take their napkin first before you take yours.
◾️How to use
Basically, do not use the outside of the napkin, but only use the inside of the napkin folded in half. When wiping your mouth during a meal, lift the top of the napkin and wipe with the inside, and when wiping your hands, pinch the bottom of the napkin to wipe away dirt. This way, you can eat smartly without getting the outside dirty.
◾️When leaving your seat
Fold your napkin in half again and hang it over the back of your chair or place it on your seat as a sign that you'll be back. However, it is considered bad manners to leave your seat when food is in front of you, so if you need to leave for the restroom or something, try to do so before dessert or while the food is being served.
When you finish the meal and get up, do not fold your napkin, but leave it lightly crumpled on the table as you leave. By intentionally crumpling it, you can send a humorous signal that "The food at this dinner party was so delicious that I forgot to fold my napkin."
How to use the glass
◾️How to hold a glass
Hold the glass by the stem with your index finger, middle finger, and thumb. The trick is to hold it lightly with your fingertips, not with your whole palm.
If the glass feels heavy, place your left hand on the bottom of the glass for a more stable hold.
◾️Toasting etiquette
When toasting, raise your glass to chest height. Maintain eye contact, hold your glass still, and say "cheers" with a slight smile. Raising your glass high and saying "Kanpai!" or clinking your glass with someone else's is a no-no.
French Table Manners: How to Eat
Next, we will explain how to eat each dish on the menu, with accompanying photos, in the following order: aperitif, hors d'oeuvres, bread, soup, fish dish, meat dish, wine, dessert, and coffee/tea.
Aperitif
An aperitif is literally a light drink you drink before a meal. Not only does it stimulate the stomach and increase your appetite, but it is also consumed while you are checking the course menu and choosing your menu. If you don't like alcohol, non-alcoholic drinks such as carbonated water are also fine.
Hors d'oeuvres
Many French dishes are created so that you can enjoy the food best by starting with the left side of your plate. Therefore, although it is not an absolute rule of etiquette, it is best to start eating from the left side.
First, taste the food as is, then dip it in sauce. When doing so, scoop up some sauce with the knife in your right hand, brush it onto the food, and eat it with a fork.
→For how to cut food, please refer to 〈◾️ How to eat with a knife and fork〉.
The proper etiquette is to eat the leaves and garnishes that accompany your food separately between dishes. Eating them in between meals has the effect of resetting your mouth. By the way, do not eat all the leaves and garnishes at once. Keep an eye on the portions of food and reduce the amount on your plate in a balanced way.
Bread
◾How to eat
Tear it into bite-sized pieces and eat it with butter or oil. If there is a separate butter dish, use a butter knife to scoop as much butter as you like onto your bread plate.
It's a small detail, but when spreading butter on the bread, it is good table manners to tear off the piece of bread and place it on the plate so that the cut surface is not visible to the other person.
◾While eating/After eating
As long as the blade is not pointing towards the other person, it is okay to place the butter knife either vertically or horizontally. If the bread plate is next to you, place it horizontally, but if it is at the back and there is someone next to you, place it vertically. By the way, it is good etiquette to finish your bread before the meat dish is finished. If there is any bread left, you can put it down at the same time as the meat dish is put away, so keep that in mind. Also, it is okay to leave any bread crumbs that fall on the table without brushing them away with your hand. The staff at the restaurant will clean it up, so leave it to them.
Wine
◾️How to drink
The basic movement is to use a round spoon and scoop the soup from the front to the back and bring it to your mouth. It is best to scoop up about 60% of the amount with one spoonful.
When bringing the soup to your mouth, stop the spoon on the surface of the soup and then lift it up so that only a single drop is on the bottom of the spoon. This allows you to drink the soup elegantly without dripping it all over the place.
When there is only a little soup left, lift the front of the plate lightly with your fingers to allow the soup to accumulate at the back, making it easier to scoop. In French table manners, it is not OK to lift the plate like a rice bowl.
◾️While drinking/After drinking
If you want to take a break while drinking, turn the spoon upside down and stand it upside down. This is a signal that you are still drinking and do not want the plate to be put away. When you have finished drinking, turn the spoon over and stand it upside down in the same way.
Fish dishes
◾️About Fish Spoon
The flat-sided fish spoon is a versatile item that functions as both a knife and a spoon. It is often used when cooking dishes with a lot of sauce or soft ingredients.
◾️How to eat
Hold the food with the fork in your left hand and hold the fish spoon in your right hand vertically to cut the food like a knife. When eating with sauce, hold the fish spoon in your right hand as if you were holding a spoon, and scoop up the sauce as you eat it. If the food is moving, place the fork in your left hand on the food and use it as support while scooping up the food with the spoon in your right hand.
→For how to cut food, please refer to 〈◾️ How to eat with a knife and fork〉.
Meat dishes
Cut the meat into bite-sized pieces by cutting the meat diagonally along the grain. The correct etiquette for meat dishes is to only cut the amount you want to eat. It is a no-no to cut the meat all at once just because it is easier to eat, as the meat will cool down quickly and the juices will spill out from the cut surface, dirtying the plate. Also, make sure to move any accompanying vegetables to the front of the plate with a knife and fork before cutting them.
→For how to cut food, please refer to 〈◾️ How to eat with a knife and fork〉.
Wine
◾️Before drinking
Hold the glass in front of your chest as shown in 〈◾️How to hold a glass〉 and first check the state of the wine with your eyes. Next, bring the glass close to your nose to smell it, then take a sip of the wine. Breathing lightly through your mouth will allow the wine and air to mix together in your mouth, allowing you to enjoy the flavor of the wine even more.
◾️How to drink
After placing the glass down, hold the stem and swirl the glass 4-5 times to expose the entire wine to the air (this action is called "swirling"). Then, smell the aroma again and drink while enjoying the difference in aroma and taste from the first sip.
When drinking, it's a good idea to stop drinking from the same spot you touched once, rather than touching multiple spots on the glass. This is a smart way to keep the glass clean.
When you want to decline a refill of wine or other drinks, you can simply cover the glass with your hand to indicate that you don't want a refill. This lets you communicate your desire for service without stopping the conversation.
Dessert
Some things can be eaten with just a spoon or fork, but generally you should hold the fork in your left hand and the knife/spoon in your right hand and eat with both hands. Do not eat long, thin chocolate pieces with your hands; instead, tap the center of the piece lightly with your fork or spoon to break it and eat it. Only bread should be eaten with your hands, unless you have a finger bowl.
Coffee and tea
Instead of holding the cup with both hands, hold the handle with your thumb and index finger and support it with your middle finger. Drink about 70% of the cup at a time and be careful not to make any noise.
Bad patterns
Although it's easy to do, holding the handle with your fingers is considered bad table manners.
Stir the sugar and milk gently with a tea spoon 2-3 times, drawing the letter "N." It is best to avoid stirring in a circular motion, as the spoon and cup may hit each other and make noise.
After using the spoon, wipe it along the edge of the cup to prevent any water from spilling, then place it at the back of the saucer.
Table manners tips that will make you smarter!
Finally, here are six tips that will help you enjoy French cuisine even more.
Do not eat food immediately after it is served
When enjoying French cuisine in a group, it is bad manners to start eating as soon as the first dish is brought to you. After everyone has had their food, and if a host is present, it is correct to wait until the host picks up the cutlery and begins eating before you start eating.
Eat at the same pace as those around you
French cuisine is meant to be enjoyed elegantly while having conversation. You're not just here to eat, so make sure to eat at the same pace as the people around you.
Plates and glasses should not be moved.
Just as you hold the rice bowl when eating at a Japanese restaurant, you may be tempted to pick up your plate, but in French cuisine, it is considered good manners not to move the plate or glass too far from where it was served. Eat and drink in the place where it was placed to avoid mixing up or bumping into the glass of the person next to you.
Do not pick up dropped cutlery yourself
If you drop cutlery or spill a drink, do not try to pick it up or wipe it up yourself. The correct etiquette is to remain calm, lightly raise your hands in front of your chest, and call a staff member to help you.
Sit back in your chair
When you feel nervous, you tend to sit with a distance between you and the table, but if you are far away from the table, you will end up bringing your face close to the plate to avoid spilling. It is more polite to keep your face as low as possible, so sit deep in your chair and aim to have about one fist's width between your stomach and the table.
Don't touch your smartphone or hair while eating
Touching your smartphone or hair while eating is a sign that you are not enjoying the moment. Even if you are not, it is a noticeable behavior when sitting across from others at a table, so be careful. Also, if you want to take photos with your smartphone before or after a meal, it is best to check with the restaurant in advance, such as when making a reservation.
If you understand the meaning behind each and every rule, such as how to use cutlery and when to eat, you will find table manners fun and easy to learn. However, it is important to enjoy a fulfilling meal in a nice space without straining yourself to follow all the rules!
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The contents published are accurate at the time of publication and are subject to change.
